i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
