That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
