My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize