I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
