I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
