I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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