like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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