Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
