im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
