So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize