I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
