sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
