he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
