Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
