Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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