some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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