I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
