and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
