What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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