youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
