Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize