shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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