I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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