i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
