you should give me head with plastic fangs in
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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