so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
