I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
