Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
