hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
