even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
