he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize