my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
