I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
