What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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