WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
