Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
