haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
NoShamevember. You game?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
