his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
