your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
