Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
