New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How does it feel to date your dad?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
