you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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