Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
