I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
