She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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