Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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