I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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