we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize