I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
