I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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