We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
