Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
