I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
