she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
