Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
