Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
