the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize