I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
