Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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