if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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