There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
