bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
