i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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