If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
