dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
