i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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