You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if only i could text you this smell
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
