somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
