Kiss
Puke
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
