so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
