I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
