D3 body, D1 cock
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Michael Bay diarrhea
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
