Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This is my gift to your gina
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
