Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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