i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
