Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
worst night to have a conscience
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
where are my eyebrows?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize