he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
