I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
