I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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