I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
