Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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