I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
