The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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