Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
