No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Vodka?
Forever.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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