Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
