You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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