it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
