try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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