I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
