and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
