You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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