i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
