you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
