All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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