By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
