wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
