So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
