Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
