I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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