Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
