I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
