Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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