dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
