I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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