Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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