Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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