Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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