pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
