3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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