OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
