it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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