are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
