she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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