You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
